Josh Morrissey Should be Banned from the NHL

 Josh Morrissey Facing Ban from NHL.

The hockey world is buzzing today and lots of people didn’t even go to work due to the suspense surrounding the NHL’s decision on what to do with Josh Morrissey, best known for trying to crack the code to Eric Staal’s helmet on Tuesday night in Minnesota. By far one of the most vicious attacks in NHL history since Chris Simon tried to eat someone while playing for the Islanders, it comes just a few days after Dustin Byfuglien tried to shatter Eric’s helmet in front of the net. The motive is clear. Players are doing whatever it takes to get inside of Eric’s helmet. Ever since Eric entered the league in 1992, players, coaches, and fans have been curious as to what exactly is in that Bauer helmet. When reached for comment, Bauer has no explanation and refuses to comment on why Eric’s helmet is so much larger than other helmets in production at Bauer headquarters located in Assclown, Texas.

My best guess is that Eric is receiving large amounts of residual income from housing families in a multi-plex unit located in his helmet. There’s really no other explanation. My main reason for believing that Josh should be banned from the league is because there is a good chance there’s women and children in that helmet. Innocent people trying to create better lives for themselves. All I know, is that if Dustin Byfuglien can’t muscle his way through that helmet, nobody can. The only way somebody is getting in that thing is if someone tells Nicolas Cage that the constitution is in there…he’ll definitely find a way in. Why is Nick Cage so obsessed with finding the constitution of the united states anyway. It’s a piece of paper. Paper doesn’t matter anymore, we have computers. Nick cage really cracks me up. 

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