Jack Capuano Kneels at Subway

BREAKING: In the midst of our conflicted political climate a news story has broken out of south Florida where Florida Panthers associate head coach, Jack Capuano, has taken a knee inside of a local subway. When initially thought to be due to a political stance, subway employees were confused as to why this man with a Long Island dad haircut would chose subway, of all places, to partake in a politically fueled silent protest. “I was just at the register” says Brad Bonewater, an employee at the subway who saw Mr. Capuano walk in. “…I looked over and saw him whispering an order, then leaning in real close to the counter. Then the next thing I know he was on the floor taking a knee, not saying a word.” 


When TMZ reporters arrived on the scene they finally got Mr. Capuano to talk. After a brief investigation, TMZ uncovered that Mr. Capuano attempted to order the new autumn carved turkey sandwich, which is a limited edition item that is offered only during the fall season. When told that they ran out of the ingredients, Mr. Capuano said nothing and took a knee on the floor in protest that the store should immediately reinstate the ingredients to the autumn carved turkey sandwich. Mr. Capuano backed up the line to the local subway for miles. “He wouldn’t move,” said Stevie Tightsack, the shift manager at the time. “We tried to explain to him that taking a knee to get back a certain sandwich is completely useless,” said Mr. Tightsack. Another subway employee went on to say “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen man, and I work at fucking subway, I mean this guy is on a whole new level…and plus that sandwich sucks ass.”


Jack Capuano was then escorted out on to the sidewalk of the property where he continued to kneel next to the freeway. I was just told from my underground inside elite sources that he has missed 2 days of training camp, waiting for the Subway to bring back the sandwich. Story developing….

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