BEFORE I GET STARTED: I just got my shipment of 50 in '07 shirts and they are pretty fucking nasty. What this means is, I'll be shipping the same exact day you order or the next day. Fastest shipping in the world. Check them out in the Tees section of this bitch.


We are approaching the point in the playoffs where things are just getting heated. Drama city. You know it's getting wet when guys start nut tapping guys. Gooch cruising on other players is the pinnacle point of frustration, and as we saw last night in San Jose, frustration is mounting. I don't know what else to say since my coffee buzz hasn't kicked in all the way yet, but fasten your fuck belts here's todays steaming HOT TAKES:

TORONTO/WASHINGTON: Holy shit and holy fuck. I can't believe that Washington is actually down in the series. Like, there's always that small chance that you think Washington might blow it again since they've done it in the past...but come on..this team has added more parts than Bruce Jenner. Everybody should be like alright caps are gonna win this year, whatever. But then no, Toronto says hold the fuck on. If Toronto goes up 3-1 in this series I am going to drink so much that I'm going to wake up with my ass cheeks on the front of my body. That's how backwards I'm going to be. And no, I'm not a toronto fan. So many people tweet at my saying shit like "oh, closet Toronto fan eh?" Uh, no idiot, I just love an underdog story. I don't know if the dart guy is in the building tonight, but if not his spirit will be there so for that reason my hot take is: TORONTO WINS. 

BOSTON/OTTAWA: If you checked the Bruins lineup for tonight, you already know that Ottawa has absolutely no chance in hell at winning this game. Schaller, easily the hardest working Bruin in this series, has been moved to play with Pastrnak and Krejci. I have no fucking clue why ESPN isn't covering this. It's pretty much game over. And for that reason, HOT TAKE: BRUINS.

MINNESOTA/ST. LOUIS: Eric Staal helmet.

ANAHEIM/CALGARY: Last time this game was on I wasn't watching it because I was ripping up mens league but I heard about the Flames collapse. I really don't know what the fuck I'm talking about most of the time, so this one i especially don't know what I'm talking about. For that reason my hot take is: I don't know. Probably Anaheim.

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