HOT TAKE CITY
Welcome to hot take city today where the speed limit is 150 mph today because we have some very steamy hot takes as we are getting deep into the first round and it's been nothing but mayhem thus far. Before I start my hot takes that have absolutely no credibility whatsoever, shoutout to the mother fucking dart guy who clearly is the main reason for Toronto willing their way past the Capitals. Washington GM Ted Leonsis must be like dude, what the fuck is going on? Washington is stacked like a steroid cycle on paper but I feel like the Dart Guy has had a major impact on their mindset. Washington isn't afraid of the Dart Guy, they're terrified. Barry Trotz even said, the Dart Guy has gotten into the head of Washington captain Alex Ovechkin. Jay Beagle was even spotted crying in the locker room before the game. None of this is true at all. But anyway, I think that was my favorite game of the playoffs so far. Lets get it, HOT TAKES:
NEW YORK/MONTREAL: If I'm Henrik Lundqvist the first thing I'm doing this morning is dropping xanax into my coffee like it's a jagerbomb. I mean, how much more can this guy take? The relationship of Henrik and the Rangers reminds me of something like when a dude spoils the shit out of his girl but the girl still ends up going on a vegas trip with her girls and bangs like 4 guys in two days. And she even ends up banging a guy that drives a car with a spoiler on it. I know it's a team effort but for christ sake I just want to see this guy win. Regardless, the Rangers can't seem to put their winning pants on at home and for that reason: Montreal Wins.
COLUMBUS/PITTSBURGH: Half of Pittsburgh's team could show up shit faced and I feel like this team will play the same anyway. I don't get this team. They shouldn't be THIS good. I don't give a shit who outplayed who for however long, these guys are winning games and that's what matters. For that reason, I'm sick of them, and HOT TAKE: COLUMBUS IN 7!!!!!
EDMONTON/SAN JOSE: Just incase you didn't realize, I haven't picked the sharks to win once. You know why? Because I'm over the sharks. You had your chance last year, so you're fired. Edmonton is too exciting to watch to not want them to win, for me. Zack Kassian is lighting it the fuck up right now and if you root against an unlikely playoff hero you definitely wear tank tops to restaurants. I just had an argument with my neighbor over McDavid's impact last week, and this kid has the god damn balls to downplay McDavid. Hey buddy, this kid is literally turning the franchise around like a U-Turn, I don't want to hear any of your shit. For this Reason, HOT TAKE: Edmonton.
**** There is like 5 Dart Guy shirts left. I honestly made the shirt as a joke, but it was in such hot demand that wall street called me and offered me 50 million for 50 in '07 but I said no because I don't want that much money because people will start asking me for shit. I'm out - #50in07