CEO of Applebees: We don't give a fuck
Yesterday on national television Applebee’s announced that starting at Midnight on December 1st, 2017 they will run a promotion giving customers the option to purchase Long Island Iced tea’s for just $1. That’s right. Only $1. I was taken aback at the promotion because lets face it this is a power move that could put Las Vegas out of business. First of all, Applebee’s is well known for having a customer base who really just don’t give a fuck. Applebee’s can serve grade F chicken and make it sizzle on that little sizzle plate bullshit and customers are thoroughly impressed. My point is, if you give these savages $1 drinks, let them stir shit up and fight a little in the bar area, and maybe throw a hot tub in there…applebees is going to soar to the moon in revenue.
At the press conference, when asked if Applebee’s will cap the limit for the amount of Long Island’s an individual can order, the CEO raised her eyebrows and said “We don’t give a fuck.”
Folks, it’s going to be an absolute shaker at the Bees. Projections are showing that there will be wait times for up to 6 hours to get into the restaurant chain that’s mostly known for food poisoning and bar fights. If I were applebee’s I would consider putting a cap limit on the amount you can order in a few places. First of all, do not let anybody from New Jersey or New York order more than 3 of these things or it’ll be a blood bath. 10 minutes in to the promotion you’ll have a kid named Brady driving his dad’s Audi drunk as fuck smashing into every car in the parking lot. Second of all, you’ll have TONS of kids from New Jersey named Anthony wearing jordans and New York Knicks snapbacks trying to pick fights with anything that moves.
I think for the most part, if the restaurant throws in a big hot tub right in the middle of the restaurant at every location I’m telling you there’s gonna be a lot of applebitches at applebees ready to party. I mean shit, maybe let the customers do a little cocaine right at the bar. Nothing wrong with a little blow. I’m looking forward to partying at applebees this weekend.