Eric Staal's Helmet is Definitely mining Bitcoin

In case you’ve lived under a rock for the past few weeks or if you use t-mobile, Bitcoin and other cryptocurrency has garnered extreme mainstream media coverage as the prices just keep bull-rushing north in dramatic fashion. The upwards trend of the market is breaking history but everyone wants to speculate how the rise of bitcoin can happen so quickly. I keep watching CNBC and they have all these theories regarding foreign entities capitalizing on the advantages of the anonymity that cryptocurrency offers and the benefits of eliminating third party fees. In my eyes, that’s all garbage and here’s why:

Nobody is taking the time to sit down and realize that there’s a bitcoin farm inside of Eric Staal’s helmet. The market share of bitcoin is nowhere near it’s maximum potential, but everybody seems to think that bitcoins are only being mined in Europe and China where the internet speed and connectivity is significantly higher. What they don’t understand is that Eric Staal has over 3 major wireless internet carrier services planted inside of his bucket. Verizon is one of them, and the CEO has personally said that Eric Staal’s Bauer helmet is a server for over 75 Million Verizon cell phone signals across North America. If Eric’s helmet can be a host for 75 million cell phone signals, why aren’t we realizing that the main source of bitcoin is coming directly from the inside of that helmet. I have no idea why the media won’t report on this.

Anyone who wants to get their feet wet in journalism – actually fuck that, anyone who wants to cannonball into journalism and make a name for themselves should catch the next flight to Excel arena or wherever the fuck the Wild play and interview Eric about the thousands of computers mining bitcoin in his helmet. Seriously if somebody hits eric staal hard enough I can almost guarantee you’ll see a couple lap tops fly out of that thing. Listen I’m not an expert but that’s my hot take of the day: Eric Staal’s helmet is controlling the cryptocurrency market.

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